As I write this many San Diego North County kids have been out of school for a while. For some parents, Back-to-school can’t come quickly enough. When your kids are at camp you try to get as much work done as possible, and when they’re home it feels chaotic.

Enjoying time with your kids before Back-to-School arrives

While you know that the summertime gives you more time to connect, sometimes it is hard. It can be difficult to enjoy your kids when you’re feeling stressed. They have a break from school and homework but work for you continues. They don’t understand, and you sometimes feel guilty about that.

School routines sometimes get tiresome, yet they do help everyone manage. Summer is less predictable, and that can create challenges for kids who struggle with anxiety and for you. Schedules can be different week-to-week with vacations, camps, and beach days. How can you make the most of the summer?

Here are my tips as a Child Therapist and Parent Coach to help you manage:

Refill often.

Think of being a parent like being a vessel or a tank.  You constantly pour into your kids. If you never refill, you will have nothing to give. That is why it’s ultra-important that you first and foremost find a way to refill your tank.

To refill your tank, I encourage you to sit down and reflect on what you need. What helps you relax? What brings you joy? Do you need alone time or time with your friends without the children?  What do you need each day, or week to manage stress and show up as a calm, loving parent?

Are there simple ways you can nurture yourself?  It may be simple things like staying hydrated and preparing yourself (and your children) healthy snacks. A 20-minute walk can also be extremely helpful for your mental well-being. While you’re refilling your tank you get the bonus of teaching your children how to take care of themselves when they are feeling stressed.

Please remember you are valuable and irreplaceable in your children’s lives.  Raising them is important work. Doing your other job is important too.  Being stressed and exhausted makes it nearly impossible to do a good job at either.

Stop Over-filling.

Great, you were able to figure out how to refill your tank. Now what?  Does it feel like your tank empties quicker than you can refill it?  In that case, you may be like many other parents who struggle with poor boundaries. Let me explain.

Have you ever tried to fill a glass with liquid and overfill the glass? The uncontained liquid goes everywhere, flooding the counter and running onto the floor.  As a parent, you may “Overfill” others, especially your children. You end up draining yourself. Once you’re drained, you may find it hard not to flood with emotions. That can look like an overwhelmed, impatient parent.

So how can you stop overfilling others?  You may need some coaching to create better boundaries with your children. You may need therapy to address why you work so hard to please others at the expense of your well-being.

Higher Expectations.

This point is related to points one and two. If your children do very little to help out in the home, then you as the parent probably are doing excess chores.  This adds to your exhaustion. You may be saying right now, “Yeah, but…”. 

I’m just pointing out that part of your counting the days until school starts may be tied to the increase in your labor output.  Have higher expectations for your children. I understand if you have several children under the age of 5.  But you can teach toddlers and preschoolers to pick up their toys, fold towels, put their dirty clothes in a hamper, and help put flatware on the table. 

I’m talking to parents with multiple school-aged children or older who do very little.  They are running you ragged. Chores help kids build a sense of responsibility. When you task kids with chores, it communicates that they are valued members of the family who can contribute.

Let Freedom Reign until it’s time for Back-to-School.

More and more of a child’s day during the school year is sedentary while using electronics. Let the summer be when your children enjoy more freedom to be outdoors, make things with their hands, get messy, and move their bodies.

In the summer too many kids are on electronic devices for hours and hours.  I know that it’s hard to limit electronics. This isn’t meant to be a drive-by guilting. Please, I beg you for your child’s brain health, mental health, and physical health to limit their use.  I see many kids coming to therapy who struggle with anxiety. Those kids already have vivid imaginations, and then they tell me they are afraid of something they saw on YouTube or a computer game.

The difficulty in limiting electronics or anything your child wants to do to excess can again be tied to your struggle with stating and maintaining boundaries. Get support to learn how to set and keep better boundaries. It will change your life and the lives of your children.

Plan Time Together

Parents sometimes think they need to spend lots of money on experiences with their kids. If you have the money and want to enjoy a theme park, great!  However, kids simply need you. You are the best. 

In child therapy, when I’m learning about a child, I ask what they like to do with their parents.  Kids light up as they answer this question. They love playing board games with their parents, throwing a ball, cooking, or making crafts together. That is what your child will remember. The simple moments when you took the time to connect with them one-to-one. When they had your full attention.

Cherish these valuable moments. They will be gone much sooner than you can imagine. 

Free Consultation from a San Diego Child Therapy Specialist in San Marcos.

My name is Tami and I'm a Child Therapist in San Marcos CA who helps anxious kids and their families. If you are already counting the days until your kids go back to school and you need support to manage, reach out today to book a free, 15-minute phone consultation.