Best coping skill for your entire family for the holidays and beyond.
During the holidays there’s lots to think about and lots on the to-do list. Anxiety can run high and is easily “caught” during the holiday season along with all the viruses.
The holidays can be so fun, and they can also be so busy. As I’m writing this, Thanksgiving is approaching. It's a day that for some is about focusing attention on gratitude.
What you may not realize is remembering what we are thankful for is important for our well-being. Teaching children to look for the good things helps them to feel less anxious.
How do we cope with anxiety in general?
Adults who come to therapy, often have developed unhelpful ways of coping with their anxiety. Parents who reach out to me about child therapy want their children to learn better ways to cope with anxiety.
Anxiety can be connected with worries about things that are going to happen in the future. Things you and your child have no control over can seem overwhelming or scary. Additionally, you both may underestimate your and their ability to deal with that thing, that event, in the future.
Cultivating a skill to combat adult anxiety and child anxiety.
Parents often work hard to teach their children manners, like saying please and thank you. Children often learn to parrot how to ask politely, because it’s sort of a key to open a door. While gratitude is a coping skill to counter anxiety, it goes beyond the simple thank you. Though, writing a thoughtful note to another person thanking them for a gift or gesture is a practice that helps cultivates gratitude.
The holidays are a great time for adults and children in your family to practice building the skill of gratitude. The holidays can also be a difficult time to feel grateful as an adult because we can get overwhelmed. We and our children also live with an abundance that we take for granted in this country.
Sometimes we don't always like what we receive, whether it's a gift or other gesture. You’ve been there when a child, maybe your child opened a gift they didn’t want. It’s hard to cultivate gratitude actions when you feel less than thankful. Even more difficult is to learn how to focus on what you are grateful for in your life. It can be easier to see all the things that are not going your way.
If you struggle with anxiety, it doesn’t mean you’re not grateful.
I remember when I was younger, my grandmother told us to count our blessings. This seemed to be her answer for everything. It can be easy to feel guilty about feeling anxious or having worried thoughts come into your mind. It may be something you try to avoid rather than address. With the best of intentions, you may try to talk your child out of their worries. Saying things like, “There is nothing to worry about”, or “Don’t worry, everything will be fine”.
But, in a worried moment, the best way to bring us back to calm is to focus on right now. Not to tell ourselves or our child that everything will be fine. We actually don’t know if some things will be fine.
Instead of denying our anxious feelings, or telling someone else what to think or feel, simply focus on what you're thankful for right now. Acknowledging what you are grateful for in this moment is a powerful antidote to worried thoughts and anxious feelings. Gratitude is about intentionally thinking about what is or was good, what went well, or what is going right. It has the power to shift your mind. It’s difficult to think about a negative thing and a positive thing at the same time.
Develop More Gratitude in Your Family
To help you and your children to be more thankful, I encourage you to create practices to help cultivate gratitude in your family. Noticing other family members' contributions, and saying thank you is a good start.
Challenge your children to really hunt for the good things in their day, each day, and store them up like treasures. Talk about the things that went well in your day at the dinner table. It's not the point to discount or ignore the bad things, because those are part of life too. The idea is to make the good stand out in comparison.
Thanksgiving Craft for Kids.
Supplies needed:
Cardstock or index cards
Real or foam leaves from a craft store
Scissors
Hole punch
Yarn and bits of ribbon
Markers, paint pens, crayons, colored pencils
Glitter glue
Grocery circulars and junk mail – to cut out photos
Directions:
Have each person make a list of the people, circumstances, privileges, and “things” they are truly grateful for.
Have each child and adult cut out several shapes (shapes can be pre-cut)
Punch a hole in the top
Then have each person draw, or cut out photos of these things and glue them to the card
Then label with markers, glitter glue, and ribbon.
String everyone’s cards on a long piece of yarn
Hang on the wall or over the fireplace
Free Consultation for a Therapist in San Marcos that helps families with Adult Anxiety and Child Anxiety.
If you’re ready to get help for the anxiety that is impacting your family, please reach out today through the link below to book a free phone call.
To learn more about the counseling I provide for elementary-school aged kids, please visit my Child Therapist San Diego page.
If you’re interested in learning more about the Art Therapy I provide for Adults and Children, please visit my Art Therapy San Diego page.
Here are some other blogs that provide ideas in helping you and your kids cope with stress and anxiety.
