The Truth about Therapy in San Marcos for a Child who is Anxious.

This blog has been updated from the original Nov. 5, 2020 post.

It is sometimes rainy in Southern California. Some years it feels like the rain just keeps coming. Sometimes parenting can feel that way. You wonder if things will ever let up.

You’re doing the best you can, but you have a child who may need some additional support.

You’re concerned your child may be struggling with anxiety

During the pandemic, some level of anxiety seemed normal. Yet, here we are several years later, and your child worries about lots of things. Now you’re doing some research, googling anxiety, child therapy, San Marcos Therapist, and a whole host of other searches.

So far you have some information, but you may also have more questions than when you began. One of those questions may be “Is my child really struggling with anxiety or is it something else”?  If you suspect your child is struggling with childhood anxiety, I recommend you document some details that can help guide your decision.

• Identify specific symptoms of anxiety that you can share with a mental health provider. Sometimes symptom lists can seem vague. It can come down to the total number of symptoms and how they are interfering with functioning. For children, the main areas of functioning are their relationships at home, the sphere of school, and their friendships.

• Write down the history of the symptoms. When did those symptoms begin, and how long have they persisted? 

• Track how frequently your child is experiencing symptoms of anxiety. Is your child experiencing that symptom every night at bedtime or every day right before school? Or is it something that only happens when you try to leave your child with another caretaker?

• Notice and write down what you think could be possible triggers to anxious thoughts or feelings. For example, how does your child respond if exposed to scary news or movies?  

• Write down what helps your child feel calmer and safer.  Is your child soothed when you sit near them, hug them, and read them a book? Do they seem calmer when they take a warm bath? 

Along with gathering some important information, I also recommend talking with your child’s doctor if you haven't already. It’s important to rule out other health issues, especially if you are noticing reoccurring headaches, stomachaches, or breathing difficulties when your child gets upset.

Last, but not least, remember to listen to your parenting gut. No one knows your child better than you do. Write down what you have noticed or felt.  See if there are any common threads or themes.

Don’t let your anxiety get in the way of seeking help.

If you have ever struggled with anxiety yourself, you may recognize anxiety in your child, before a professional or a parent who has never had this experience. In some ways, this may make it easier for you to respond. However, you may also be overly reassuring to your child, or rescuing your child because their anxiety is triggering your anxiety and worried thoughts. 

The next hurdle will be finding a Child Therapist in San Marcos.

If you have ever been to therapy yourself, you know it can take some time to find the “right” therapist.  The truth is it can be even harder to find the right therapist for a child struggling with anxiety. There are several reasons, but here are the basic ones.

Not all therapists work with kids.

As a therapist, I know many other therapists who are great at helping adults with anxiety and many of them do not work with children. It’s not that they don’t like children or have no training in working with kids. Before therapists are licensed, our education and training include learning and working with all ages.  In most cases, therapists choose to work in their strength, which for many therapists is working with adults or working with couples. 

• Find a therapist who is passionate about helping kids and has gained additional training and experience with children. 

Not all therapists work with anxiety.

Again, think of areas of expertise or the scope of a therapist’s competency. It’s challenging for a therapist to hold expertise in all areas of mental health. Even when you find a child therapist, it doesn’t mean they have equal experience with all ages and all areas of concern.  Some therapists who work with kids specialize in work with autism spectrum disorders, others may be really good at treating Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).

•  Find a therapist who is experienced in recognizing and treating anxiety in children.

Just because the therapist works with kids and treats anxiety, it still doesn’t mean it will be a good fit.

Your child needs to feel safe and at ease with the therapist, especially if they are feeling anxious. While a doctor can make an accurate diagnosis even if your child is scared of the doctor, and your child can get an A in math even if they dislike the teacher, therapy doesn’t work that way. If you choose and force a child to attend therapy with a therapist they don’t like or who scares them because you like the therapist, your child most likely will not make progress in therapy. The basis for good therapy is a relationship of trust and safety, first and foremost.

•  Find a therapist that you and your child both like, who you can build a trusting relationship with for a successful outcome.   

I hope I've provided some clear information about therapy that can help you find the right therapist for both you and/or your child.  If you are looking for a San Marcos Child Therapist to help your child with anxiety, you can read more about how I can help on my specialty page for Anxious Children. 

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